30 Oct

Apparently my friends now think that every little thing I do is annoying just because there’s this new girl at work who doesn’t like me.

I feel like I’m in fucking high school again.

And what’s hurt the most is that they don’t see that they are different around me. I asked one of them if she wants to go out for a drink (which she knows means “I need someone to talk to”), and she said she prefer to go for a show with the new girl and my other friend.
So I basically just spent the night crying by myself.

Back in the cave

17 Oct

TVwatch85

Yesterday I tried to have a conversation with a friend about the new Pixar short film Borrowed Time. Now this friend is a film student and she goes to lectures about films and all that.

But when I tried to start a debate about this, and what I think about the issue, she blocked me and wasn’t very interested to talk about it. Now I don’t know if this is because she think I have no idea what I’m tallking about (tho I do have a B.A in the subject, she doesn’t know this). Or because she just doesn’t want to share or talk about what she knows.

But this is something that happens a lot lately, pepole just don’t talk about things, like really talk about them you know?

This is also the problem I have with this short film.

I mean yeah cool, this is a fucking awesome film but why don’t…

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I’m done

3 Oct

so you know by now that my brother is an asshole, and that he doesn’t care about me.

well, yesterday was Rosh Hashna and we were invited to our cousiens, but I didn’t go becuase I really don’t want to see him. He think he can act like nothing happened, and like he did me this big favor so I can’t be mad at him, you see, I’m the bad person here of course.

So I didn’t go, I stayed home crying instead. And of course no one cared enough to call or text because no one cares about me, not even my family.

Well then, I’m done!

I’m done with people treating me like crap! I’m done with caring about people who don’t even give a shit about me! I’m not gonna be like my mother, I’m not gonna let people shit all over me and eat myself up about it until it killes me.

I’M DONE!

If my own brother think he can treat me like crap just because I’m boring, or just because I won’t share my feelings with him, (becuase he just keeps proving I should do that right?) then he can go fuck himself for all I care.

If you don’t give a shit about me, I won’t give a shit about you.

This is my new year desicion.

 

 

 

22 Aug

Maybe I’m really a terrible person and I deserve this shit from people, because I really don’t know why everyone treat me like crap.

I hate dentists

18 Aug

Like really hate them!!

I hate going to the dentist, I always shake and cry and I haven’t been to one for over ten years. Until two months ago when I literally had to.

I went to a friend of my brother and he was really nice, he gave me a discount and he gave me laughing gas who turned out to be REALLY helpful.

But last week for some reason he didn’t turn the gas on. Needless to say that I felt really shitty during the treatment, I didn’t let him do his job, I didn’t stop shaking and crying.

He said that everything was ok, “just sn ordinary treatment”. He claims he did open the gas (even tho I SAW that he didn’t!!) And he doesn’t take any responsibility for his actions or ask for forgiveness.

And I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go back to him because he is obviously a liar and he show is true face. But I can’t eat anything cold and I can’t just stay with what he did because it’s not comfortable, because I was in too much shock to tell him of course.

And I’ve been crying for a week now because of this asshole. And of course my brother doesn’t care.

14 May

There’s this girl at work and she’s weird, like really weird, and clingy. And me and my friend are the only ones who talk to her.

The problem is that she’s telling the boss EVERYTHING that happens. And now the other people at work think that me and my friend do the same. So they decided to tell the boss lies about us so he’ll fire us.

Now, he knows that they are after us but he’s also the one who should allowing it to happen by making them think it’s true. After all if they think we tell him everything then they won’t do anything they shouldn’t.

So now they don’t talk to me and I don’t want to work with them because what’s stopping them from telling more lies. But if they’ll hurt me with their lies then I’ll have nothing to lose and I WILL tell him all the shit they’re doing, and they’re doing a lot of shit which if I did tell him they would be so gone by now so I don’t know how they reached that conclusion at first place.

But in the meantime work became hell and I hate it, and I just want to stay at home and die.

Why I’m gonna die alone

23 Apr

So I started to chat with this guy on a dating site and things go pretty well so we moved on to Facebook. And after a few months he told me that I’m the only one that he found interesting and kept talking to.

A couple of months later he changed his Facebook status to “in a relationship” and now, like half a year later they moved together.

Now I know that it was probably my fault for taking things slow or “playing hard to get” but this is exactly the reason why I did!

Like either he was a liar or he’s the king of moving too damn fast, and I don’t like both options. This is exactly why I have trust issues, I have no tolerance for lies and I pretty much trust no one.

And I’ll never gonna have a boyfriend like this I know, but I just don’t want to waste my time with bullshit so what’s the difference really.