Tag Archives: job

So I have this friend

7 Aug

We are kind of good friends, we work together and we always hang out at work and sometimes outside of work too.  Now she considers me her best friend, I know that, BUT… I don’t think of her as my best friend, and this is why:

She’s a very derogatory, condescending  and jealous person. Foe example: Every time I hang out with someone else from work she gets mad that we don’t invite her. But

A. we don’t do things she likes, like we go out for marvel movies and she thinks they’re stupid. Or we go out drinking and she thinks that every one who drink, and I mean EVERYONE, even a beer once a month, is an alcoholic. 

B. When we do invite her to do those things she clearly hate she doesn’t say “no, thank you”. She refuses in the most condescending  way she can. Like she won’t come and hang with out friends boyfriend because he’s “not smart enough for me to hang out with him”. I kid you not.

C. And more importantly I don’t have to spend every second with her! We’re not married and she doesn’t have any hold on all of my free time!

So when we had enough of her saying “no” is such annoying ways, we just stopped asking her to come with us for things she hates.

And that’s not all. She’s always making fun of me, ALWAYS. She thinks I really dumb basically because I don’t always say word right, you know, I don’t pronounce them right. I spent most of my life not talking, I haven’t talked to anyone who wasn’t close to me, and most of the words I learned from reading, so I don’t always say things right. And she’s always making fun of me, she makes it into this big joke and she does it in front of everyone.

She’s always derogatory towards everyone who she doesn’t agree with him. She gets jealous when I get attention so she suddenly like the same things I like, even if a minute ago she thought they were really stupid. If I like something and I get attention for it she’s immediately likes it too (even if she really doesn’t).

Now the thing is that every time I had enough, every time she say something  condescending or derogatory I just stop talking. I just sit and don’t talk to her until she has something else to say. And when she notice that I don’t talk to her like I used to she gets mad because she doesn’t know why I’m mad at her. Oh BTW she’s studying psychology.

Anyway, when I, once in a blue moon, gets really sick of her bullshit I just put her on her mistakes. I tell her she’s doing of saying something wrong. And I guess her ego gets really hurt when I do that to her so she’s just yell and say “I’m sick of this ok!!” and then stop talking to me.

And I’m really had enough of this, she can treat me like crap 24\7 but she can’t take it when I tell her she’s wrong, because how an idiot like me can tell her she’s wrong right?

So now, because she didn’t know something in a trivia game (yes that’s right) she’s mad at me and she doesn’t talk to me.

This is not a best friend, I don’t trust her with anything and she basically knows nothing about me, because I don’t tell her stuff. I learned pretty fast who I’m dealing with here.

And the thing is that she’ll get over it and start talking to me again, because she doesn’t have any other friends (I wonder why), but I’m really sick of her and I really had enough this time. A fucking trivia game!!!

I have a problem

20 Jul

I work in frontal customer service and I don’t know how to be “nice” to people. I just want to say that I love my job, but I really need help with the talking to people part because I don’t know what to do.

I hate strangers, I’m a person who didn’t talk to anyone most of her life. And I mean ANYONE. I talked to my mom but that wasn’t really a long an meaningful conversations. I talk to my co workers but that’s just work stuff and jokes and that too after a few months of adjusting and opening up.

When I was in the fifth grade I was sick during class and I raised my hand to be excused to go to the bathroom. Luckily we had a system where is you had to go you’d raise two fingers and the teacher will know, unluckily the teacher was a bitch. You need to understand that even raising my hand was hard for me, I HATE any social interaction, but I did it, with a bit of convincing from my friend. But the teacher decided that she wants me to TELL her what I want, I didn’t’ I ended up throwing up in the middle of the class.

I haven’t change much since then, I still don’t talk to strangers, even a therapist, I tried that and just sat there for an hour staring at the wall. I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t feel safe, I just don’t like it! Writing anonymously on a blog gives me anxiety.

So when strangers come to me at work I really do my best to be nice, but when they start to argue or raise their voice I just don’t know what to do. I just reflect to them their behavior and of course that that makes me really rude. But I really don’t know how to handle this. All I want when a person comes to me is for them to go away.

I’m 32 years old, I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be alone all the time because I can’t talk to anyone, not even my “friends”. Of course I don’t really have friends.

I don’t know what to do and I need help.

3 Oct

So my dad have a new girlfriend and she moved in and he really found his soul mate, she’s selfish and annoying just like him.

Yesterday they spend the whole day in the kitchen from 8 to 8, cooking entertaining some friends… I got out of my room at 8pm and of course there was nothing to eat because all they cooked was meat, so I made me some pasta (after not eating the whole day because there was nothing to eat and no room to make it). And of course, there was no room in the fridge to put the pasts because it was full with their food.

And now I went to warm me a plate and look at that, the pasta was spoiled because it was left outside.

They just take care of themselves, I HATE people like that! And I’m looking for an apartment of my own but it’s not so easy to find with my salary and I just want to get out of this place already. And if I do I swear he won’t see me again in his life.

22 Jul

I was supposed to go today to a poetry slam that a friend is participating in and I got the ok to get out of work early and asked another co worker if he can pass by work and give me a lift. He was like I don’t know if I’ll have room in my car at first, and then he said that he think it will be ok and that he’ll have room, so I ordered a ticket.

And then like an hour before it started he gives me the most shitty excuse to why he can’t give me a lift, “he won’t gonna make it in time”. He litterlly went from one side of the city to the other but he “didn’t have time” to pick me up. One of the people who picked a ride with him hates me, so I’m guessing it was her just being a bitch.

But now I feel like shit because I wasn’t there to support my friend and because I got another prove that everyone hates me.

Not to mention that on the way home on my bicycle when I was all crying and shit, some crazy dude decide that it’s a good way to start yelling at me and to be in my way, and when I ignored him he just started to curse me.

I really wished I knew what is it about me that attracts so much antagonism.

What Happened

17 Jul

When I was in collage I used to ask a lot of questions, I used to have long conversations about weird subjects. I used to have Facebook statues with over 100 comments about whatever I and my collage friends felt like talking at the time.

And yesterday I looked at some of those conversations and I thought to myself “wow, I used to be kind of smart 4 years ago what happened to me, why am I so stupid now”. I don’t have the power to start long conversations anymore, I don’t even know how to do that. Now it just annoy me when someone talk too much outside of the subject. Back then I had some great one liners and thoughts and today I’ve got nothing.

Today I’m stupid.

Or maybe it’s not my fault but it’s the people I’m hanging out with today. They get annoyed and makes fun of me when I ask too many questions. They get annoyed and mad when I try to start a conversation on something just you know, to have some kind of dialectics because I think it’s fun. But they just get annoyed and be like “ok just shut up”.

I don’t know if that’s really the reason but I do know that I’m not smart as I used to be, not that I was very smart but I did have my moments. Today those moments are gone.

This Is Me

31 May

I never talk about how I feel and what I’m going trough, that’s why I don’t really have friends, I just don’t want to burden people with my shitty life. Everyone in my family don’t give a shit about me so I guess I just assume it’s all my fault. And if I’ll talk about it people will think I’m just stupid because I act the way I do.

My mom was the only one who cared about me, or at least show it, or pretended, but she’s gone. My dad never show any care for any of us. 

My last job was a nightmare, the people were awful, the boss was awful, it was the worst place I’ve ever work in. Every day was a battle to just get out of bed and go to work, some days I just called in sick because I just couldn’t even think about being there. People treated me like crap. 

I finished my B.A degree last year, since then, and since last September when I quite my job, I’ve been looking for a job in the subject I studied. It’s not easy, you need experience or connections, I have neither. But I keep looking, because the thought of going back to a job like the last one I had just makes me want to die. I just can’t go trough this again.

I live at home with my dad, and as I said I’ve been unemployed for over 9 month, I have no money.

My dad decided to stop buying food, he was always cheap, never bought anything more than needed and even less. But now he just stopped all together. My brother told me to “get my self together and go find a job until I’ll find out what I want to do with my life and stop wining”. I know what I want to do, I’m looking for a job in what I want to do, but he doesn’t get it. He and my dad thinks I just sit at home all day doing nothing, like I like it.

So now, if I want to eat and not feel shitty about myself like they make me feel, I need to find a job I will suffer in, a job I’d rather kill myself than work in it. And no one seems to care or understand how fucking hard it is.