Archive | May, 2013

This Is Me

31 May

I never talk about how I feel and what I’m going trough, that’s why I don’t really have friends, I just don’t want to burden people with my shitty life. Everyone in my family don’t give a shit about me so I guess I just assume it’s all my fault. And if I’ll talk about it people will think I’m just stupid because I act the way I do.

My mom was the only one who cared about me, or at least show it, or pretended, but she’s gone. My dad never show any care for any of us. 

My last job was a nightmare, the people were awful, the boss was awful, it was the worst place I’ve ever work in. Every day was a battle to just get out of bed and go to work, some days I just called in sick because I just couldn’t even think about being there. People treated me like crap. 

I finished my B.A degree last year, since then, and since last September when I quite my job, I’ve been looking for a job in the subject I studied. It’s not easy, you need experience or connections, I have neither. But I keep looking, because the thought of going back to a job like the last one I had just makes me want to die. I just can’t go trough this again.

I live at home with my dad, and as I said I’ve been unemployed for over 9 month, I have no money.

My dad decided to stop buying food, he was always cheap, never bought anything more than needed and even less. But now he just stopped all together. My brother told me to “get my self together and go find a job until I’ll find out what I want to do with my life and stop wining”. I know what I want to do, I’m looking for a job in what I want to do, but he doesn’t get it. He and my dad thinks I just sit at home all day doing nothing, like I like it.

So now, if I want to eat and not feel shitty about myself like they make me feel, I need to find a job I will suffer in, a job I’d rather kill myself than work in it. And no one seems to care or understand how fucking hard it is.     

Advertisements
Aside

When people who knows you don’t give you

29 May

When people who knows you don’t give you any kind of motivation and the people who don’t do, who should you listen to? 

Aside

I’m stupid, and ugly, and worthless, nobody cares

27 May

I’m stupid, and ugly, and worthless, nobody cares about me. If I’ll kill myself people won’t even notice. 

I just want to die