Apparently my friends now think that every little thing I do is annoying just because there’s this new girl at work who doesn’t like me.
I feel like I’m in fucking high school again.
And what’s hurt the most is that they don’t see that they are different around me. I asked one of them if she wants to go out for a drink (which she knows means “I need someone to talk to”), and she said she prefer to go for a show with the new girl and my other friend.
So I basically just spent the night crying by myself.
Maybe I’m really a terrible person and I deserve this shit from people, because I really don’t know why everyone treat me like crap.
There’s this girl at work and she’s weird, like really weird, and clingy. And me and my friend are the only ones who talk to her.
The problem is that she’s telling the boss EVERYTHING that happens. And now the other people at work think that me and my friend do the same. So they decided to tell the boss lies about us so he’ll fire us.
Now, he knows that they are after us but he’s also the one who should allowing it to happen by making them think it’s true. After all if they think we tell him everything then they won’t do anything they shouldn’t.
So now they don’t talk to me and I don’t want to work with them because what’s stopping them from telling more lies. But if they’ll hurt me with their lies then I’ll have nothing to lose and I WILL tell him all the shit they’re doing, and they’re doing a lot of shit which if I did tell him they would be so gone by now so I don’t know how they reached that conclusion at first place.
But in the meantime work became hell and I hate it, and I just want to stay at home and die.
Every time someone at work, I won’t call them friends because they obviously aren’t, needs a favor or help with something I always there for them.
But when I ask for one little thing are they there for me? Of course not!
I just need to start learning how to say “no” to people.
I was supposed to go today to a poetry slam that a friend is participating in and I got the ok to get out of work early and asked another co worker if he can pass by work and give me a lift. He was like I don’t know if I’ll have room in my car at first, and then he said that he think it will be ok and that he’ll have room, so I ordered a ticket.
And then like an hour before it started he gives me the most shitty excuse to why he can’t give me a lift, “he won’t gonna make it in time”. He litterlly went from one side of the city to the other but he “didn’t have time” to pick me up. One of the people who picked a ride with him hates me, so I’m guessing it was her just being a bitch.
But now I feel like shit because I wasn’t there to support my friend and because I got another prove that everyone hates me.
Not to mention that on the way home on my bicycle when I was all crying and shit, some crazy dude decide that it’s a good way to start yelling at me and to be in my way, and when I ignored him he just started to curse me.
I really wished I knew what is it about me that attracts so much antagonism.
When I was in collage I used to ask a lot of questions, I used to have long conversations about weird subjects. I used to have Facebook statues with over 100 comments about whatever I and my collage friends felt like talking at the time.
And yesterday I looked at some of those conversations and I thought to myself “wow, I used to be kind of smart 4 years ago what happened to me, why am I so stupid now”. I don’t have the power to start long conversations anymore, I don’t even know how to do that. Now it just annoy me when someone talk too much outside of the subject. Back then I had some great one liners and thoughts and today I’ve got nothing.
Today I’m stupid.
Or maybe it’s not my fault but it’s the people I’m hanging out with today. They get annoyed and makes fun of me when I ask too many questions. They get annoyed and mad when I try to start a conversation on something just you know, to have some kind of dialectics because I think it’s fun. But they just get annoyed and be like “ok just shut up”.
I don’t know if that’s really the reason but I do know that I’m not smart as I used to be, not that I was very smart but I did have my moments. Today those moments are gone.
Being a fangirl is the only thing that helps, I mean there aren’t many things that makes me happy. But the actors and shows I love always makes me feel better.
But for other people it looks pathetic, they always make fun of me and say that I’m acting like an idiot. They always tell me to stop.
And that makes me feel like shit, I can’t even enjoy the only things that makes me happy because it makes me look pathetic. I need to feel bad for the only thing that gives me a reason to live.
Please don’t be assholes and don’t make fun on people’s interests, some people don’t have people in their lives to make them happy. Some of them are pathetic as me and we have is that one actor or that one show we love to death.
I hate this, I hate not being able to show my love and be happy.