Like really hate them!!
I hate going to the dentist, I always shake and cry and I haven’t been to one for over ten years. Until two months ago when I literally had to.
I went to a friend of my brother and he was really nice, he gave me a discount and he gave me laughing gas who turned out to be REALLY helpful.
But last week for some reason he didn’t turn the gas on. Needless to say that I felt really shitty during the treatment, I didn’t let him do his job, I didn’t stop shaking and crying.
He said that everything was ok, “just sn ordinary treatment”. He claims he did open the gas (even tho I SAW that he didn’t!!) And he doesn’t take any responsibility for his actions or ask for forgiveness.
And I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go back to him because he is obviously a liar and he show is true face. But I can’t eat anything cold and I can’t just stay with what he did because it’s not comfortable, because I was in too much shock to tell him of course.
And I’ve been crying for a week now because of this asshole. And of course my brother doesn’t care.
My dad has a new girlfriend and he’s been cleaning the house for a week now for her, something he didn’t do for 5 years. And she’s annoying, she’s French and she’s full of plastic surgery and she just stand there and giving orders so the house will look how she want it to look.
He also throw all my mom clothes, I took as many as I could fit into my closet but it wasn’t much. And I don’t know what he’s going to do with the rest of her stuff.
And I hate it because he’s an assholes and he was always an asshole and now he’s happy and that’s not fair.
I was supposed to go today to a poetry slam that a friend is participating in and I got the ok to get out of work early and asked another co worker if he can pass by work and give me a lift. He was like I don’t know if I’ll have room in my car at first, and then he said that he think it will be ok and that he’ll have room, so I ordered a ticket.
And then like an hour before it started he gives me the most shitty excuse to why he can’t give me a lift, “he won’t gonna make it in time”. He litterlly went from one side of the city to the other but he “didn’t have time” to pick me up. One of the people who picked a ride with him hates me, so I’m guessing it was her just being a bitch.
But now I feel like shit because I wasn’t there to support my friend and because I got another prove that everyone hates me.
Not to mention that on the way home on my bicycle when I was all crying and shit, some crazy dude decide that it’s a good way to start yelling at me and to be in my way, and when I ignored him he just started to curse me.
I really wished I knew what is it about me that attracts so much antagonism.
My neighbours have this refrigerator that beeps every day, no matter what time it is, for hours. And it’s been going on for a year now and we asked them to stop but they just keep doing it. FOR A YEAR!!! It’s just beep beep beep beep for hours!!!!!!
And it just drives me crazy I can’t take it anymore!!!! I just can’t take it anymore!!!!!!!! It’s like torture!!!! And they now it bothers me and drives me crazy but they don’t give a shit!!! They do it on purpose!! They admitted that they’re doing it on purpose!!!!!!!
And I called the police twice but they don’t do shit because when they get here the motherfuckers turn it off so the police is like “we can’t do anything if we can’t hear anything”.
And I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!
I just spent an hour outside yelling at them “ENOUGH!!!” but they just stand and look at me trough the window with their kids and laugh. THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY AND THEN MAKE FUN OF ME!!!! (they are religious people btw).
And I just can’t take it anymore I want to kill myself, I just want it to stop!
When I was in collage I used to ask a lot of questions, I used to have long conversations about weird subjects. I used to have Facebook statues with over 100 comments about whatever I and my collage friends felt like talking at the time.
And yesterday I looked at some of those conversations and I thought to myself “wow, I used to be kind of smart 4 years ago what happened to me, why am I so stupid now”. I don’t have the power to start long conversations anymore, I don’t even know how to do that. Now it just annoy me when someone talk too much outside of the subject. Back then I had some great one liners and thoughts and today I’ve got nothing.
Today I’m stupid.
Or maybe it’s not my fault but it’s the people I’m hanging out with today. They get annoyed and makes fun of me when I ask too many questions. They get annoyed and mad when I try to start a conversation on something just you know, to have some kind of dialectics because I think it’s fun. But they just get annoyed and be like “ok just shut up”.
I don’t know if that’s really the reason but I do know that I’m not smart as I used to be, not that I was very smart but I did have my moments. Today those moments are gone.