Tag Archives: friendships

So I have this friend

7 Aug

We are kind of good friends, we work together and we always hang out at work and sometimes outside of work too.  Now she considers me her best friend, I know that, BUT… I don’t think of her as my best friend, and this is why:

She’s a very derogatory, condescending  and jealous person. Foe example: Every time I hang out with someone else from work she gets mad that we don’t invite her. But

A. we don’t do things she likes, like we go out for marvel movies and she thinks they’re stupid. Or we go out drinking and she thinks that every one who drink, and I mean EVERYONE, even a beer once a month, is an alcoholic. 

B. When we do invite her to do those things she clearly hate she doesn’t say “no, thank you”. She refuses in the most condescending  way she can. Like she won’t come and hang with out friends boyfriend because he’s “not smart enough for me to hang out with him”. I kid you not.

C. And more importantly I don’t have to spend every second with her! We’re not married and she doesn’t have any hold on all of my free time!

So when we had enough of her saying “no” is such annoying ways, we just stopped asking her to come with us for things she hates.

And that’s not all. She’s always making fun of me, ALWAYS. She thinks I really dumb basically because I don’t always say word right, you know, I don’t pronounce them right. I spent most of my life not talking, I haven’t talked to anyone who wasn’t close to me, and most of the words I learned from reading, so I don’t always say things right. And she’s always making fun of me, she makes it into this big joke and she does it in front of everyone.

She’s always derogatory towards everyone who she doesn’t agree with him. She gets jealous when I get attention so she suddenly like the same things I like, even if a minute ago she thought they were really stupid. If I like something and I get attention for it she’s immediately likes it too (even if she really doesn’t).

Now the thing is that every time I had enough, every time she say something  condescending or derogatory I just stop talking. I just sit and don’t talk to her until she has something else to say. And when she notice that I don’t talk to her like I used to she gets mad because she doesn’t know why I’m mad at her. Oh BTW she’s studying psychology.

Anyway, when I, once in a blue moon, gets really sick of her bullshit I just put her on her mistakes. I tell her she’s doing of saying something wrong. And I guess her ego gets really hurt when I do that to her so she’s just yell and say “I’m sick of this ok!!” and then stop talking to me.

And I’m really had enough of this, she can treat me like crap 24\7 but she can’t take it when I tell her she’s wrong, because how an idiot like me can tell her she’s wrong right?

So now, because she didn’t know something in a trivia game (yes that’s right) she’s mad at me and she doesn’t talk to me.

This is not a best friend, I don’t trust her with anything and she basically knows nothing about me, because I don’t tell her stuff. I learned pretty fast who I’m dealing with here.

And the thing is that she’ll get over it and start talking to me again, because she doesn’t have any other friends (I wonder why), but I’m really sick of her and I really had enough this time. A fucking trivia game!!!

I have a problem

20 Jul

I work in frontal customer service and I don’t know how to be “nice” to people. I just want to say that I love my job, but I really need help with the talking to people part because I don’t know what to do.

I hate strangers, I’m a person who didn’t talk to anyone most of her life. And I mean ANYONE. I talked to my mom but that wasn’t really a long an meaningful conversations. I talk to my co workers but that’s just work stuff and jokes and that too after a few months of adjusting and opening up.

When I was in the fifth grade I was sick during class and I raised my hand to be excused to go to the bathroom. Luckily we had a system where is you had to go you’d raise two fingers and the teacher will know, unluckily the teacher was a bitch. You need to understand that even raising my hand was hard for me, I HATE any social interaction, but I did it, with a bit of convincing from my friend. But the teacher decided that she wants me to TELL her what I want, I didn’t’ I ended up throwing up in the middle of the class.

I haven’t change much since then, I still don’t talk to strangers, even a therapist, I tried that and just sat there for an hour staring at the wall. I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t feel safe, I just don’t like it! Writing anonymously on a blog gives me anxiety.

So when strangers come to me at work I really do my best to be nice, but when they start to argue or raise their voice I just don’t know what to do. I just reflect to them their behavior and of course that that makes me really rude. But I really don’t know how to handle this. All I want when a person comes to me is for them to go away.

I’m 32 years old, I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be alone all the time because I can’t talk to anyone, not even my “friends”. Of course I don’t really have friends.

I don’t know what to do and I need help.

Buffy will always matter

6 Mar

Buffy The Vampire Slayer is 20 this week, and I know that there’s a lot of “What I learned from it” posts on the internet but I wanted to made my own because this wasn’t just another TV show for me, it was a lot more than that.

Buffy taught me about feminism obviously, she taught me that you don’t need a man or to be in a relationship to be happy. That somethims being alone is better, that “No guy is worth your life, not ever”.

She taught me philosophy, existentialism and absord. She open my ming to sci-fi and other shows and movies. She taught me English and sarcasm.

She taught me that everyone’s lives matter, even the ones you truly hate, the really bad people, their lives matter. Good and evil is not black and white, “bad guys” can be good and “good guys” can be bad. You can’t believe everything people say, you need to get to the truth yourself. Criticize the world and be curious about everything, ask questions even if you think they’re stupid.

She taught me that bad things happens for no reason and without warning, life is random. That it doesn’t take a day to get over the bad things that happens to you, sometimes you never get over them. But the most important thing is that you keep going, you keep fighting, because “Strong is fighting”. That “That hardest thing in this world is to live in it”.

She taught me that friendship is based on trust and loyalty and that family is not necessarily blood. That you are who you are and if other people don’t like it it’s their problem. Never change who you are just because other people think you should. The people who will matter in your life will always be there for you.

She taught me all of this and more when I was just a shy 12 year girl with no friends. When I haven’t talked to anyone all day, never said a word she made me reach out and find friends online on blogs and message board, friends from all over the world that are still with me to this day.

She saved my life. A lot.

20 Feb

Remember the A hole dentist that traumatized me? Well I went back to him so he’d fix what he did and so I could actually close my mouth and I went with a friend. 

Now this was the friend who tried to help and ask my brother for help so she knew how I felt aftet and she knew I was mad at him. Nevertheless she decided to bring her own x rays so he’d look at them. And if it wasn’t clear to her that it’s NOT cool I made it clear that same day. 

Because IMO, and correct me if I’m wrong, telling him you want him to treat you kind of say to him (and everyone else ) that you believe he did nothing wrong. Right?  So I told her that it really hurt me and that this is what it means. It means she agrees with him, even though she saw how I was afterwards. 

And now I found out that she still talks to him and plan to go see him. 

Now maybe I give to much meaning to the word friendship, I really don’t know because I don’t have many friends, even the ones I have I don’t trust (I guess this is why). But personally I would never do anything to hurt them, no matter what. 

This friend is also friends with people I don’t really like, and that’s cool, but I told her that it’s really insulting that she spends more time with them and just ignore me. Now every time I tell her something like this she say “it’s all in your head”. But when she doesn’t tell me things and then ansewr me like a complete bitch, because in her head I already know something she never told me, she gets mad that I’m mad at her. 

You see, it’s fine when she treat me like garbage but when I call her on it she gets hurt. 

And this is why I trust no one and I’m alone. Because everyone are just shit. 

24 Sep

I’m so sick that people, who I consider my friends, hurt me.

The thing with London. she was like the only person I REALLY thought was like my bff, we’ve been friends for years. But she just fucking left me in the middle of London because she wasn’t in the fucking mood to sit in a park! And that’s after I had to be fine with her craping all over my joy in that trip. She fucking left me alone, after I paid for her ticket to London because she didn’t have money and she claimed she “loves London so much omg” (apparently she just loves their alcohol).
Not to mention how fucking rude she was the all time. We where there for my birthday, and on my actual birthday I wanted to go to this place but she wanted to go to another, which we would go to too, but I planned it all out so what I want to see more is first, still you know, it’s MY birthday. So what she does? She takes her phone out and start the navigation to where SHE wants to go, so I’m like “OMG WTF” and I take my phone out and go to where I want to go. And she doesn’t understand why I “disappeared” on her even after I told her that I just went to where I wanted to go in the first place, and she’s like “if you want to be alone just say so”. SHE HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW SHE BEHAVES!

And now she’s acting like nothing happened, like she did nothing wrong. And she doesn’t understand why I’m ignoring her. And I just know that somehow it’s all gonna be “my fault”, like I’m gonna be the bad guy in this all shit.

And I know that ignoring her is a little childish, but A. She acted like a fucking baby the whole trip, and B. I’m so sick of being a fucking punch bag, I’m so sick of letting people hurt me and then act like nothing happened and we’re cool now. Because it’s not cool, and it’s never gonna be cool again. She betrayed me and then acted like she did nothing wrong, and I’m sick of the fact that I keep letting people treat me like this.

And I’m sick of the fact that I have no real friends, they all ending up hurting me, even those who I never thought would.

How Good It Is To Come Back Home

13 Sep

And be reminded that no one gives a shit about you

So I’m in London

9 Sep

For the FIRST time ever! Actually it’s my FIRST time ever being out of the country, it’s my 30th birthday gift to myself. And I’m here with my “best friend” who I asked to come with me because I know how much she loves London, or at least I thought I knew how much she loves London. Apparently she only loves the alcohol in London which we don’t have in our country.

Anyway I wanted her to come because I thought it would be fun and she’s depressed and she was always happy when she was in London so I paid for her ticket here because she doesn’t have money.

IT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!

Ever since I bought the tickets  (6 months ago!!) All I hear from her is how she doesn’t have money and what will she do, but she wants to come so it’s gonna be fine. And of course she doesn’t have money but she thinks it’s a great time to get a dog, which she remembers to search for a shelter for him a week befor the flight.

But that’s not the point, the point is that I’m an idiot and I should just think about myself and not others. The point is her being a complete downer!
Every time I get excited about something she say something stupid and just ruins it for me. And ok yeah I get it you’re depressed, but when I feel shity I don’t shit on everyone’s else mode!

And then we were at a restaurant and she came back from the bathroom all smiling and she’s like “there’s another whole floor down stairs!” And I’m like “ok” and she gets mad at me because I wasn’t fucking excited about a fucking floor!! And she’s like “so what if you don’t care pretend like you do” I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?!??!

And today she just left me in the middle of a fucking park because I wanted to rest because my feet are killing me so I set down on the grass and she’s like “I don’t want to sit here on the grass lets go”. But I can hardly walk so NO. So she just leaves me there!!!!

And now I go back to the hotel and she’s like “heyyyy” and fuck you bitch are you kidding me?!?! So of course I don’t talk to her and now she’s mad because I won’t talk to her.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!!!!!!

Why the fuck am I so stupid! I should have come here alone