Tag Archives: friends

Another reason to trust no one

1 Sep

So my “best friend” did something that hurt me. It doesn’t matter what she did that’s not the point. The point is that she did something that she knew would hurt me because we talked about it. 

And then instead of apologize she did what she always do, she got angry on me that I got hurt. She never say sorry, she only blame me every time that I get hurt by her that I’m “too sensitive” or that I “don’t read the reality right”. Always blaming and making me feel even worse. 

But this time she really did it. I spent the whole week crying because of her, she spent it angry at me of course. And then when a 3rd friend made her go and talk to me she told me, right to my crying face that she doesn’t care about me! 

Now maybe it’s just me but if a friend tells me I hurt him I just apologize, I  don’t make excuses or blame them. And that’s always what I did with her, and she got offended by really stupid stuff but still I simply apologized. 

But telling your crying “best friend” that you don’t care about her?? That’s just a really bitch move!

I’m done with her, she can go to hell for all I care. She’s not worth my time and my friendship. 

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So I have this friend

7 Aug

We are kind of good friends, we work together and we always hang out at work and sometimes outside of work too.  Now she considers me her best friend, I know that, BUT… I don’t think of her as my best friend, and this is why:

She’s a very derogatory, condescending  and jealous person. Foe example: Every time I hang out with someone else from work she gets mad that we don’t invite her. But

A. we don’t do things she likes, like we go out for marvel movies and she thinks they’re stupid. Or we go out drinking and she thinks that every one who drink, and I mean EVERYONE, even a beer once a month, is an alcoholic. 

B. When we do invite her to do those things she clearly hate she doesn’t say “no, thank you”. She refuses in the most condescending  way she can. Like she won’t come and hang with out friends boyfriend because he’s “not smart enough for me to hang out with him”. I kid you not.

C. And more importantly I don’t have to spend every second with her! We’re not married and she doesn’t have any hold on all of my free time!

So when we had enough of her saying “no” is such annoying ways, we just stopped asking her to come with us for things she hates.

And that’s not all. She’s always making fun of me, ALWAYS. She thinks I really dumb basically because I don’t always say word right, you know, I don’t pronounce them right. I spent most of my life not talking, I haven’t talked to anyone who wasn’t close to me, and most of the words I learned from reading, so I don’t always say things right. And she’s always making fun of me, she makes it into this big joke and she does it in front of everyone.

She’s always derogatory towards everyone who she doesn’t agree with him. She gets jealous when I get attention so she suddenly like the same things I like, even if a minute ago she thought they were really stupid. If I like something and I get attention for it she’s immediately likes it too (even if she really doesn’t).

Now the thing is that every time I had enough, every time she say something  condescending or derogatory I just stop talking. I just sit and don’t talk to her until she has something else to say. And when she notice that I don’t talk to her like I used to she gets mad because she doesn’t know why I’m mad at her. Oh BTW she’s studying psychology.

Anyway, when I, once in a blue moon, gets really sick of her bullshit I just put her on her mistakes. I tell her she’s doing of saying something wrong. And I guess her ego gets really hurt when I do that to her so she’s just yell and say “I’m sick of this ok!!” and then stop talking to me.

And I’m really had enough of this, she can treat me like crap 24\7 but she can’t take it when I tell her she’s wrong, because how an idiot like me can tell her she’s wrong right?

So now, because she didn’t know something in a trivia game (yes that’s right) she’s mad at me and she doesn’t talk to me.

This is not a best friend, I don’t trust her with anything and she basically knows nothing about me, because I don’t tell her stuff. I learned pretty fast who I’m dealing with here.

And the thing is that she’ll get over it and start talking to me again, because she doesn’t have any other friends (I wonder why), but I’m really sick of her and I really had enough this time. A fucking trivia game!!!

I have a problem

20 Jul

I work in frontal customer service and I don’t know how to be “nice” to people. I just want to say that I love my job, but I really need help with the talking to people part because I don’t know what to do.

I hate strangers, I’m a person who didn’t talk to anyone most of her life. And I mean ANYONE. I talked to my mom but that wasn’t really a long an meaningful conversations. I talk to my co workers but that’s just work stuff and jokes and that too after a few months of adjusting and opening up.

When I was in the fifth grade I was sick during class and I raised my hand to be excused to go to the bathroom. Luckily we had a system where is you had to go you’d raise two fingers and the teacher will know, unluckily the teacher was a bitch. You need to understand that even raising my hand was hard for me, I HATE any social interaction, but I did it, with a bit of convincing from my friend. But the teacher decided that she wants me to TELL her what I want, I didn’t’ I ended up throwing up in the middle of the class.

I haven’t change much since then, I still don’t talk to strangers, even a therapist, I tried that and just sat there for an hour staring at the wall. I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t feel safe, I just don’t like it! Writing anonymously on a blog gives me anxiety.

So when strangers come to me at work I really do my best to be nice, but when they start to argue or raise their voice I just don’t know what to do. I just reflect to them their behavior and of course that that makes me really rude. But I really don’t know how to handle this. All I want when a person comes to me is for them to go away.

I’m 32 years old, I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life, I don’t want to be alone all the time because I can’t talk to anyone, not even my “friends”. Of course I don’t really have friends.

I don’t know what to do and I need help.

24 Apr

I don’t know how to explain myself. 

I don’t talk when I’m around strangers, and if they don’t try and have a conversation with me I will always see them as strangers. Like with my family, I don’t say anything when something bothers me so they just ignore me and blame my isolation on me. 

I’m always angry, I don’t know how not to be. I wish I could just not give a shit about everything and won’t let people annoy me so easily. 

Not being able to talk to strangers keeps me from going on dates, because what’s the point if I’ll just sit there and won’t say anything. 

I never say what’s bothering me and I guess everything is just stuck inside me and this is why I’m mad and annoyed all the time, and I don’t want to be. 

I can’t go to therapy, I tried that, and you guessed it: I set there for an hour and stared at the wall. 

I’m just tired and I just want to be normal. And I hate myself for being like this. 

20 Feb

Remember the A hole dentist that traumatized me? Well I went back to him so he’d fix what he did and so I could actually close my mouth and I went with a friend. 

Now this was the friend who tried to help and ask my brother for help so she knew how I felt aftet and she knew I was mad at him. Nevertheless she decided to bring her own x rays so he’d look at them. And if it wasn’t clear to her that it’s NOT cool I made it clear that same day. 

Because IMO, and correct me if I’m wrong, telling him you want him to treat you kind of say to him (and everyone else ) that you believe he did nothing wrong. Right?  So I told her that it really hurt me and that this is what it means. It means she agrees with him, even though she saw how I was afterwards. 

And now I found out that she still talks to him and plan to go see him. 

Now maybe I give to much meaning to the word friendship, I really don’t know because I don’t have many friends, even the ones I have I don’t trust (I guess this is why). But personally I would never do anything to hurt them, no matter what. 

This friend is also friends with people I don’t really like, and that’s cool, but I told her that it’s really insulting that she spends more time with them and just ignore me. Now every time I tell her something like this she say “it’s all in your head”. But when she doesn’t tell me things and then ansewr me like a complete bitch, because in her head I already know something she never told me, she gets mad that I’m mad at her. 

You see, it’s fine when she treat me like garbage but when I call her on it she gets hurt. 

And this is why I trust no one and I’m alone. Because everyone are just shit. 

30 Oct

Apparently my friends now think that every little thing I do is annoying just because there’s this new girl at work who doesn’t like me.

I feel like I’m in fucking high school again.

And what’s hurt the most is that they don’t see that they are different around me. I asked one of them if she wants to go out for a drink (which she knows means “I need someone to talk to”), and she said she prefer to go for a show with the new girl and my other friend.
So I basically just spent the night crying by myself.

14 May

There’s this girl at work and she’s weird, like really weird, and clingy. And me and my friend are the only ones who talk to her.

The problem is that she’s telling the boss EVERYTHING that happens. And now the other people at work think that me and my friend do the same. So they decided to tell the boss lies about us so he’ll fire us.

Now, he knows that they are after us but he’s also the one who should allowing it to happen by making them think it’s true. After all if they think we tell him everything then they won’t do anything they shouldn’t.

So now they don’t talk to me and I don’t want to work with them because what’s stopping them from telling more lies. But if they’ll hurt me with their lies then I’ll have nothing to lose and I WILL tell him all the shit they’re doing, and they’re doing a lot of shit which if I did tell him they would be so gone by now so I don’t know how they reached that conclusion at first place.

But in the meantime work became hell and I hate it, and I just want to stay at home and die.