“Friends”

24 Apr

I don’t have friends, never had. I don’t mean like acquaintance, I have those, you might refer to them as “work friends” “school friends” “Facebook friends” or even “internet friends”.

I’m talking about REAL friends, the ones you talk to every day and go out with every week, the once that will be there for you, the once you know you can call if something good or bad happens. I don’t have friends. When my mother died I had no one to call to. It goes to family too, you know how sometimes your siblings are your best friends? Well, not for me, we barely talk.

And for years I thought that it’s because I’m a shitty, annoying person that no one wants to be around. And it is my fault, but not because of those reasons, it’s my fault because I’m a boring person.

Friendship is based on gossip, you tell me everything about you, all your secrets and I’ll do the same. You can’t have friends if you don’t have a life, if you have nothing to tell people. You can’t talk about other people you meet if you never meet anyone, you can’t tell about you love life if you don’t have any… And how much of the same boring “yeah I was just depressed and along sitting in my room watching TV” do you think people can take? How long will they even care? Well, not long.

So people think that you’re a very private and a very closed person, when in fact you have nothing to say. When in actuality you just don’t want to bore them to death. So they go and they talk to other people and they keep you out of the group, even when you’re “in” that group, you don’t really know anything. You’re the last one who get invited to things, the last one people address to…

So not only you have no life, you have no friends, which means you have no life and all you are left with is sitting alone in your room watching TV in the dark.

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