Alone

2 Mar

I don’t have a lot of friends, I’m not a big talker, mostly because I have nothing to talk about. I have a boring life, I don’t have a spouse, right now I don’t have a job… I really am a boring person who just love to watch TV and movies. 

I don’t know how to act in conversations, I have nothing to offer. I mean I take interest in other people, I ask them how they are, but when people ask me how I’m doing I just say “I’m fine” because I really don’t think that anyone really care and wants to hear how shitty I feel, and I don’t want to burden them with my depression.  

I know that it’s my fault, but I really don’t know what to do because it’s feels like nobody care about me, not even my own family. I mean people always say “let’s do this” and “let’s do that” and this are just words, we never end up doing “this” or “that”. Even at my last job, when my mother past away no one called (except for to ask when I’m coming back), and when someone else lost a loved one everyone suddenly cared. 

Is it me? Just because I don’t like to share MY feelings does it make me seem like a really shitty person? 

I just feel like if I tell people what I really think they will run away. 

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One Response to “Alone”

  1. persistantlyhopeful512 March 2, 2013 at 9:39 pm #

    I don’t think that it is you. I think that it is the people in your life. I have people on both sides of the spectrum, those who really care and those who care when it is convenient for them. I think that it is a matter of finding the right people in your life. Also, if you don’t love/value yourself, you can’t love anyone else. Depression is no joke, and it doesn’t just go away. It isn’t anything to be ashamed of or to medicate (necessarily, depends on situation), but it is something to talk to someone about. I hope this has helped at least in some little way. Also, my condolences in regards to your mom. Losing anyone is extremely
    difficult. I can’t imagine losing a parent. I don’t think that you are experiencing anything out of the ordinary, I just hope that you continue to conquer it.

    Cheers

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